Bodacious Baddies – DC

Jill Pantozzi | May 1st, 2009

Who among us hasn’t fallen for the bad boy once or twice (or 10) times in our lives? The long hair, leather jacket, motorcycle drivin’ persona is hard to resist. Yesterday I presented my Hunky Heroes of DC Comics – now it’s time for the villains. Some are newly hot while others have been beating them off with a stick for centuries. Bear in mind, a few on this list aren’t straight up bad guys, more like anti-heroes. I had to stretch the rules a bit seeing as how, in the traditional sense, villains aren’t made to be pretty. At least not the men. The uglier they are, the more you root for them to get taken down. I hope these guys win.

Ares, the God of War. If you’re attracted to guys with power, look no further. He’s had a few different looks through the years. Hell, he’s got two looks right now – an attractive blonde man with red eyes and a fully armored warrior…with red eyes. Both are extremely good looking. Being a god and all he’s never really had a girlfriend. Instead, he keeps consorts. And that has dirty written all over it.

He’s the second character to hold the title of Captain Boomerang and by far the better looking of the two. Owen Mercer took the alias following his father’s death and immediately took up with the Flash’s Rogues Gallery. He’s also got speedster genes which have yet to show their full potential. He’s spent some time in prison (what villain hasn’t?) and begrudgingly took up with the Outsiders. It was then he began a friendship with Supergirl which creeped everyone out, including him. No matter how little clothing she’d walk around in, he kept his hands to himself and for that, I applaud him and want him.

It’s the greatest makeover the DCU has ever seen. Thank you Gail Simone for turning chunky, inept Catman into what we see here today. He’s lived naked in Africa with a pride of lions. Naked. Sure, he’s the poor man’s Batman but he’s got his own thing going and I enjoy watching him work. Plus, he can dance.

Deathstroke the Terminator is one of the deadliest assassins in the world. He’s got absolutely no redeeming qualities. He let a villain slit his son’s throat, continues to screw with his daughter and actually screwed a fifteen year old girl. But damn if that eye patch and white hair don’t make him one handsome devil. I’d do him.

I’m aware that Jim Craddock, the Gentleman Ghost, is an actual ghost and has no face to speak of. But there’s something to be said of good fashion sense isn’t there? Any guy, living or dead, that can pull off a monocle will catch my eye. He can’t touch or be touched by virgins which is good for them as I have a feeling he’d get a kick out of a little possessing, if you know what I mean.

That’s right. I’m saying it. Lobo is hot. Ok, maybe not all the time, sometimes he can look downright bizarre, but he does have a great body. He’s the bad boy alright – he smokes, wears a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle. Let’s not forget he’s a bounty hunter. What really made me first take notice was his love for space dolphins. Seeing that man take vengeance on their murderers was a thing of beauty. Believe it or not, he and Supergirl make a great team. Not like that. That would be gross.

God help me, I’m a sucker for a man with an accent. So what if it’s only in print? Evan McCulloch, aka Mirror Master, is a Scottish babe with a penchant for reflective surfaces. Hey…I use mirrors! We totally have something in common! Even though he’s a villain in his own right, it’s great seeing him work with the other Rogues. Especially when even they realize they’ve gone too far. Or, when they’re sitting around drinking.

Be careful what you wish for. Neron will give you your hearts desire, of course he’ll be taking your immortal soul in return. Who hasn’t this guy screwed over? I mean, really. But I guess if I had to live in Hell for all eternity I would gladly choose to serve under him rather than a random red dude with a pitch fork you know? He gets points for having long hair but sadly that’s all he’s got seeing as how he was recently beheaded. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll be back.

The Demon’s Head, Ra’s Al Ghul, sounds like someone you’d want to stay far, far away from. For some reason, I’m all about him. It’s the facial hair and the white streaks I think. Not many men could pull both those off at the same time. If nothing else, the man has purpose. You gotta give him that. I’d like it if he could just leave Batman alone once and for all but you know it’ll never happen. The man’s been around for centuries, you have any idea how much he could learn about a woman’s body in that time. Sadly most of that knowledge is probably used for murder but he’s gotta devote some of his time to sex, right?

Ahh, Vandal Savage, you dirty old man you. And I mean old – 52,000 years give or take. I’ve never really been clear as to what his overarching goals were but he certainly is persistent. You wouldn’t think of him immediately as a sex symbol but one week on the hell planet in Salvation Run and he already had his own harem intent on repopulation. Damn playa’. There’s a bit of a gross-out factor though – he’s a cannibal. I guess if you’ve lived that long, you’ve tried at least everything once. And I do mean, everything.