Great Star Wars Quotes During Sex

Jill Pantozzi | November 12th, 2009

You may be looking at the title of this post thinking, “Oh my! What has The Nerdy Bird gotten herself into?!” Well, that’s a fair question. I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy but every word of this story is true. The night started out innocently enough…

….then I stumbled upon #GreatStarWarsQuotesDuringSex. Where did I stumble upon this wild phrase? Twitter of course! Fellow writer and giant nerd Brian Truitt is the one who got me going. And by “got me going” I mean “got me obsessed for the better part of two hours.”

You may remember my failed attempt at a geek-related trending topic on Twitter a few months ago, well #GreatStarWarsQuotesDuringSex hasn’t made it yet either but it sure has decent legs to stand on. Here’s how it works: you think of a perfectly innocent quote from one of the Star Wars films and then think of someone saying it during sex. So, Brian began with, “It’s a trap!” I immediately replied to him with the worst quote I could think of, “He’s my brother.” Get it?

Instead of just plopping them here in the order I posted them, I’ve re-ordered my tweets from “innocent” to “illegal in some states” to make it more interesting. When picking quotes I skipped over some of the most obvious, either because they were too easy or someone else had already posted it. Without further ado, here were my contributions to the comical coitus confab.

• Well Princess, it looks like you managed to keep me here a while longer.

• Hello, what have we here?

• You’ll find I’m full of surprises.

• You have your moments. Not many of them, but you do have them.

• You’re going to regret this.

• No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.

• All right, I’ll give it a try.

• Here goes nothing.

• Well, I guess you don’t know everything about women yet.

• Impressive. Most impressive.

• Your overconfidence is your weakness.

• Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

• I hope you know what you’re doing.

• You must unlearn what you have learned.

• Sorry sweetheart. I haven’t got time for anything else.

• Control, control, you must learn control!

• Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease.

• I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.

• Don’t fail me again, Admiral.

• Oh, my! I…I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. No, please don’t get up.

• We would be honored if you would join us.

• Fine. When he comes back, I won’t get in the way.

• I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and can readily…

• Would it help if I got out and pushed?

• But Han and Leia will die if I don’t.

• You’re coming with me.

• What is thy bidding, my master?

• Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy.

• Ow! That’s not it, bring me the Hydrospanner.

• Loosen up!

• I merely commented that it was freezing in the princess’s chamber…

• I’m looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.

• There’s really nothing more we can do. And my joints are freezing up.

• Well, now, something’s not right, because now I can’t see!

• He is as clumsy as he is stupid. General, prepare your troops for a surface attack.

• We’ll never get it out now!

• This may smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm until I get the shelter up.

• You want this, don’t you? The hate is swelling in you now.

• I haven’t gone by the name of Obi-Wan since, oh, before you were born.

• Punch it.

Now you try! It’s fun! As you’ve probably noticed, I kept to the original trilogy (mostly Empire and Return of the Jedi actually). I could have gone on for a few more hours had I spread out to the prequels and well, I’ve lost enough followers over this as it is. Then again, I gained a lot of new ones so it all evens out in the end I guess. And if someone can’t appreciate a little Star Wars sex humor, well then, I don’t really need them in my life, do I? While we’re on the topic though, just as a warning: don’t, under any circumstances, do a google image search (safety off) for “star wars sex.” Unless you’re into that sort of thing, in which case, I don’t think you need to be reading my blog anymore. Move along.