Great Star Wars Quotes During Sex

You may be looking at the title of this post thinking, “Oh my! What has The Nerdy Bird gotten herself into?!” Well, that’s a fair question. I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy but every word of this story is true. The night started out innocently enough…

StarWarsLeiaChewie

….then I stumbled upon #GreatStarWarsQuotesDuringSex. Where did I stumble upon this wild phrase? Twitter of course! Fellow writer and giant nerd Brian Truitt is the one who got me going. And by “got me going” I mean “got me obsessed for the better part of two hours.”

You may remember my failed attempt at a geek-related trending topic on Twitter a few months ago, well #GreatStarWarsQuotesDuringSex hasn’t made it yet either but it sure has decent legs to stand on. Here’s how it works: you think of a perfectly innocent quote from one of the Star Wars films and then think of someone saying it during sex. So, Brian began with, “It’s a trap!” I immediately replied to him with the worst quote I could think of, “He’s my brother.” Get it?

Instead of just plopping them here in the order I posted them, I’ve re-ordered my tweets from “innocent” to “illegal in some states” to make it more interesting. When picking quotes I skipped over some of the most obvious, either because they were too easy or someone else had already posted it. Without further ado, here were my contributions to the comical coitus confab.

  • Well Princess, it looks like you managed to keep me here a while longer.
  • Hello, what have we here?
  • You’ll find I’m full of surprises.
  • You have your moments. Not many of them, but you do have them.
  • You’re going to regret this.
  • No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
  • All right, I’ll give it a try.
  • Here goes nothing.
  • Well, I guess you don’t know everything about women yet.
  • Impressive. Most impressive.
  • Your overconfidence is your weakness.
  • Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.
  • I hope you know what you’re doing.
  • You must unlearn what you have learned.
  • Sorry sweetheart. I haven’t got time for anything else.
  • Control, control, you must learn control!
  • Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease.
  • I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.
  • Don’t fail me again, Admiral.
  • Oh, my! I…I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. No, please don’t get up.
  • We would be honored if you would join us.
  • Fine. When he comes back, I won’t get in the way.
  • I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and can readily…
  • Would it help if I got out and pushed?
  • But Han and Leia will die if I don’t.
  • You’re coming with me.
  • What is thy bidding, my master?
  • Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy.
  • Ow! That’s not it, bring me the Hydrospanner.
  • Loosen up!
  • I merely commented that it was freezing in the princess’s chamber…
  • I’m looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.
  • There’s really nothing more we can do. And my joints are freezing up.
  • Well, now, something’s not right, because now I can’t see!
  • He is as clumsy as he is stupid. General, prepare your troops for a surface attack.
  • We’ll never get it out now!
  • This may smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm until I get the shelter up.
  • You want this, don’t you? The hate is swelling in you now.
  • I haven’t gone by the name of Obi-Wan since, oh, before you were born.
  • Punch it.

Now you try! It’s fun! As you’ve probably noticed, I kept to the original trilogy (mostly Empire and Return of the Jedi actually). I could have gone on for a few more hours had I spread out to the prequels and well, I’ve lost enough followers over this as it is. Then again, I gained a lot of new ones so it all evens out in the end I guess. And if someone can’t appreciate a little Star Wars sex humor, well then, I don’t really need them in my life, do I? While we’re on the topic though, just as a warning: don’t, under any circumstances, do a google image search (safety off) for “star wars sex.” Unless you’re into that sort of thing, in which case, I don’t think you need to be reading my blog anymore. Move along.

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23 Responses to “Great Star Wars Quotes During Sex”

  1. Anonymous says:

    (Phantom Menace) (Anakin Leaving)
    Anakin: Mom, I dont think i can do it!

  2. Mister Hobbs says:

    "They told me they fixed it. I trusted them to fix it. It's not my fault!"

  3. Darren says:

    Just watch the last half hour of ANH. Here are some more to throw into the mix:

    "Why don't you take care of yourself Han, I guess that's what you're best at."

    "What are you lookin' at? I know what I'm doing!"

    "I only wish Ben were here."

    "Look at the size of that thing!"

    "I'm on it!"

    "At that speed will you be able to pull out in time?"

    "You can't do any more good back there!"

  4. Allen says:

    "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

  5. Remember the con with seth green? "ok, let's blow this joint and go home"

  6. Callie says:

    "I am your father!"

    Well, that cleared the room…

    LOL!! Good one, Dave! :D

  7. Anonymous says:

    And if that doesn't clear them out then 'He's my brother' certainly will.

  8. Dave Mackey says:

    "I am your father!"

    Well, that cleared the room…

  9. “I am altering the deal. Pray I do no alter it any further!”

  10. Michael B says:

    Alllmost there.
    Stay on target

  11. AstroKill says:

    "As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!"

  12. Anonymous says:

    Brendan, those were as bad as Jill's choices. :(

  13. Brendan says:

    Truly awesome quotes. How about a few Phantom Menace ones:

    "That is the sound of a thousand terrible things headed this way. "

    "Anni, it's awful. I die every time Watto makes you do it. "

    "Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don't think."

    "Mesa cause one, two-y little bitty axadentes, huh?"

    annnd the last:

    "This is getting out of hand! Now, there are *two* of them! "

  14. James says:

    Solo seems to have all the good lines.

    Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!

    You're all clear kid. Now lets blow this thing and go home.

  15. Brian says:

    The original trilogy is MUCH MUCH better for this than the prequels. Then you just have to go with anything Jar-Jar says. ;)

  16. GeekBoy says:

    "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you?"

  17. Peter says:

    "Right now I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself."

  18. Anonymous says:

    re: Callie, lol!!!! :D

    And…was that Chewie feeling up Leia?!? O.o

    But for the actual quotes…sorry Nerdy Birdy, kinda weak. :I

  19. Callie says:

    "And I thought they smell bad on the outside."

  20. Dan says:

    "Did it go in?" "Negative. Negative. It just impacted on the surface."

  21. Randy says:

    You forgot "Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age."