“Super” Tuesday

Kneel before Zod!

Ok, now that we’ve got that business out of the way, we can talk about the real issues. Technically Super Tuesday was last month, but I’ve heard today referred to as “Sort-of Super Tuesday” or “Junior Super Tuesday” because four states are holding primaries. In the spirit of things I wanted to introduce you to a candidate many of you probably didn’t even know was running. I’m speaking, of course, about General Zod.

Now that I’m thinking of it, I really shouldn’t say he’s running, we probably won’t have a choice in the matter. From his official website:

“When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn’t know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote.”

I suggest you all stock up on knee pads.