5 Movies I Hate to Love

Jill Pantozzi | September 28th, 2009

You know how people have a way of saying they “love to hate” something or other? For instance, I love to hate hipsters. I don’t know why, I just get a kick out of it. Well how about when you “hate to love,” instead. I know, it sounds horrible. Love is beautiful and amazing! You shouldn’t hate to love! Don’t worry, once you read this list it’ll make perfect sense.

I’ve been told several times what crappy taste I have in movies. And that’s by friends mind you. The again, most of them aren’t geeks so you have to factor in that they don’t know what’s good in the first place. But I understand. Some of the movies I own can be considered…questionable in taste. Can I help it if I have an unhealthy attachment to people with special powers?! No, I cannot and therefore won’t apologize for liking these movies. That doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to the fact they suck and am deeply embarrassed by it. Here are 5 Movies I Hate to Love.

Disclaimer: I know there are some people out there who legitimately think these movies are great and aren’t ashamed to love them. Well bully for you. I am.

5. The mother of all bad Batman adaptations, Batman & Robin sucked me in as an impressionable young teen. I already had mucho love for Batman, not to mention Poison Ivy, so when I found out she was going to be in live action form I was super-psyched. Before it even came out I bought a shirt from the old WB store with Uma Thurman’s giant face on it and wore it proudly. I will absolutely admit I liked this movie upon first viewing. Sure, it had campy dialogue and action but being a fan of the 1960s TV series, I didn’t think that was weird. Then I watched it a few years later. “There’s just something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl’s lips.” Oh god, the nipples. Why? WHY?! Yet still, I couldn’t help myself. Try and forget the rest of the movie and watch this scene. Maybe it’ll help you see why I still hold on to Batman & Robin. On VHS.

4. It can be argued that a majority of movies made in the 80s were crap, even for those of us who grew up watching them. But that’s just the thing, if you grew up with them they’ll always have a special place in your heart. I still legitimately love tons of 80s flicks that people make fun of but none of them come close to Teen Witch in the bizarre department. Unpopular Louise Miller wakes up on her 16th birthday to find out she’s descended from witches and has inherited magical powers. She ditches her loser friend and makes everyone think she’s popular. She even gets the guy, Brad (what else would his name be?), after she reveals the truth. Not too far out there are far as 80s movies go. That is, until you get to the song and dance numbers. Top that. It still makes me cringe. And what was up with her brother? In this scene he’s under a spell but he talks like that throughout the entire movie, like he’s on major muscle relaxants or something. However, Dick Sargent from Bewitched and the always amazing Zelda Rubenstein (who should have played Umbridge in Harry Potter) keep this one alive for me. Kind of like the hope I would wake up on my 16th birthday with special powers. :(

3. I was already long lost to the world of vampires by the time Queen of the Damned was released back in 2002 but that doesn’t excuse my love for this pile of doo doo. I hadn’t read Anne Rice’s books yet. All I knew of her stories were the Interview with the Vampire film which I thought was great. So here comes this next chapter complete with rock music and Aaliyah, what could go wrong? Um, lots. Aaliyah, god rest her soul, did a decent job acting but I don’t know where she took voice lessons from because that accent was bizarre. I have to say, I think I love the visuals in this more than anything in this movie. I’d be in goth heaven in any of the costumes. It wasn’t until I read the books later I realized what a horrendous adaptation this was of the source material. Most of what happens in Queen of the Damned the movie, actually takes place in the previous novel, The Vampire Lestat. Regardless of inaccuracies, the worst part of the movie has to be Stuart Townsend’s lip-syncing to Korn’s Jonathan Davis. No way does that voice come out of that mouth. You’d think they would have picked someone with a less recognizable voice. Thank god he was contractually not allowed to lend his voice to the soundtrack, which is actually pretty damn good.

2. Oh look, another vampire movie. What a surprise! Frankly, Underworld didn’t even need Scott Speedman for me to like it. I was all about the Kate Beckinsale. She had me at “Death Deala.” This one may seem a little out of place on the list considering it was popular enough to spawn two sequels with a third on the way. Obviously the concept is cool, vampires versus werewolves but…oh who am I kidding, I love pretty much everything about this movie. Liquid sunlight bullets? Genius. Bill Nighy is always outstanding, no matter who he plays and Michael Sheen is delicious here as Lucian. One major downfall of Underworld? The dude who plays Kraven is literally one of the WORST actors ever. For all my talk though, this is the one movie on the list I don’t own. I’ve resisted buying it at least 10 times already but I honestly can’t see why.

1. I love Twilight. I mean, I hate Twilight! I mean, I HATE THAT I LOVE Twilight!!! I’m a grown woman damn it! I really should not be reading about teenage vampires and swooning. I blame my obsession for this one on bad timing. I started reading the series when I really needed a distraction in my life and it suited that purpose perfectly. I went to the very first matinee of the movie by myself, sat in the back row and covered my mouth as I couldn’t help but smile at the vampire drama. Sure, it had some weird quirks, like the fact that Robert Pattinson’s weight differs significantly throughout the film (something that makes him look quite bizarre) and Jasper’s constipated face, but I cared not. Bring on the sexual tension and angst. Out of all the movies on the list, I get why people hate on this one the most. I mean, just watch Edward sparkle in the sunlight. To be fair, even some fans of the books hate the movie. I love it and you can be sure I’ll be at that first matinee of New Moon holding in my glee. And my hate.