5 Movies I Hate to Love

You know how people have a way of saying they “love to hate” something or other? For instance, I love to hate hipsters. I don’t know why, I just get a kick out of it. Well how about when you “hate to love,” instead. I know, it sounds horrible. Love is beautiful and amazing! You shouldn’t hate to love! Don’t worry, once you read this list it’ll make perfect sense.

I’ve been told several times what crappy taste I have in movies. And that’s by friends mind you. The again, most of them aren’t geeks so you have to factor in that they don’t know what’s good in the first place. But I understand. Some of the movies I own can be considered…questionable in taste. Can I help it if I have an unhealthy attachment to people with special powers?! No, I cannot and therefore won’t apologize for liking these movies. That doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to the fact they suck and am deeply embarrassed by it. Here are 5 Movies I Hate to Love.

Disclaimer: I know there are some people out there who legitimately think these movies are great and aren’t ashamed to love them. Well bully for you. I am.

5. The mother of all bad Batman adaptations, Batman & Robin sucked me in as an impressionable young teen. I already had mucho love for Batman, not to mention Poison Ivy, so when I found out she was going to be in live action form I was super-psyched. Before it even came out I bought a shirt from the old WB store with Uma Thurman’s giant face on it and wore it proudly. I will absolutely admit I liked this movie upon first viewing. Sure, it had campy dialogue and action but being a fan of the 1960s TV series, I didn’t think that was weird. Then I watched it a few years later. “There’s just something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl’s lips.” Oh god, the nipples. Why? WHY?! Yet still, I couldn’t help myself. Try and forget the rest of the movie and watch this scene. Maybe it’ll help you see why I still hold on to Batman & Robin. On VHS.

4. It can be argued that a majority of movies made in the 80s were crap, even for those of us who grew up watching them. But that’s just the thing, if you grew up with them they’ll always have a special place in your heart. I still legitimately love tons of 80s flicks that people make fun of but none of them come close to Teen Witch in the bizarre department. Unpopular Louise Miller wakes up on her 16th birthday to find out she’s descended from witches and has inherited magical powers. She ditches her loser friend and makes everyone think she’s popular. She even gets the guy, Brad (what else would his name be?), after she reveals the truth. Not too far out there are far as 80s movies go. That is, until you get to the song and dance numbers. Top that. It still makes me cringe. And what was up with her brother? In this scene he’s under a spell but he talks like that throughout the entire movie, like he’s on major muscle relaxants or something. However, Dick Sargent from Bewitched and the always amazing Zelda Rubenstein (who should have played Umbridge in Harry Potter) keep this one alive for me. Kind of like the hope I would wake up on my 16th birthday with special powers. :(

3. I was already long lost to the world of vampires by the time Queen of the Damned was released back in 2002 but that doesn’t excuse my love for this pile of doo doo. I hadn’t read Anne Rice’s books yet. All I knew of her stories were the Interview with the Vampire film which I thought was great. So here comes this next chapter complete with rock music and Aaliyah, what could go wrong? Um, lots. Aaliyah, god rest her soul, did a decent job acting but I don’t know where she took voice lessons from because that accent was bizarre. I have to say, I think I love the visuals in this more than anything in this movie. I’d be in goth heaven in any of the costumes. It wasn’t until I read the books later I realized what a horrendous adaptation this was of the source material. Most of what happens in Queen of the Damned the movie, actually takes place in the previous novel, The Vampire Lestat. Regardless of inaccuracies, the worst part of the movie has to be Stuart Townsend’s lip-syncing to Korn’s Jonathan Davis. No way does that voice come out of that mouth. You’d think they would have picked someone with a less recognizable voice. Thank god he was contractually not allowed to lend his voice to the soundtrack, which is actually pretty damn good.

2. Oh look, another vampire movie. What a surprise! Frankly, Underworld didn’t even need Scott Speedman for me to like it. I was all about the Kate Beckinsale. She had me at “Death Deala.” This one may seem a little out of place on the list considering it was popular enough to spawn two sequels with a third on the way. Obviously the concept is cool, vampires versus werewolves but…oh who am I kidding, I love pretty much everything about this movie. Liquid sunlight bullets? Genius. Bill Nighy is always outstanding, no matter who he plays and Michael Sheen is delicious here as Lucian. One major downfall of Underworld? The dude who plays Kraven is literally one of the WORST actors ever. For all my talk though, this is the one movie on the list I don’t own. I’ve resisted buying it at least 10 times already but I honestly can’t see why.

1. I love Twilight. I mean, I hate Twilight! I mean, I HATE THAT I LOVE Twilight!!! I’m a grown woman damn it! I really should not be reading about teenage vampires and swooning. I blame my obsession for this one on bad timing. I started reading the series when I really needed a distraction in my life and it suited that purpose perfectly. I went to the very first matinee of the movie by myself, sat in the back row and covered my mouth as I couldn’t help but smile at the vampire drama. Sure, it had some weird quirks, like the fact that Robert Pattinson’s weight differs significantly throughout the film (something that makes him look quite bizarre) and Jasper’s constipated face, but I cared not. Bring on the sexual tension and angst. Out of all the movies on the list, I get why people hate on this one the most. I mean, just watch Edward sparkle in the sunlight. To be fair, even some fans of the books hate the movie. I love it and you can be sure I’ll be at that first matinee of New Moon holding in my glee. And my hate.

10 Responses to “5 Movies I Hate to Love”

  1. Pickles says:

    LOL, I have to agree with Batman and Robin, that and it's predecessor, Batman Forever…are definitely on my Hate to Love list

  2. ZomBee says:

    I gotta admit that the end of the Batman and Robin flick, where it shows their silhouettes running in slo-mo with the spotlight behind them, yeah that still gives me goosebumps. Got to see the nipple costume for real 2 weeks ago along with the Mr.Freeze costume in the salt mine that stores it.
    all kinds of dorky goodness.
    My "hate that I like" flick has gotta be Ghost Rider.

  3. jim says:

    you should check out the movie Biggles adventure in time It was /is an 80's movie based on the british biggles booksthat and the Pirate movie

  4. Twilight I can understand. I have female friends who love Twilight and all its swooning angst, yet acknowledge that it's not a very good movie. I hear the books are better.

    But Batman and Robin?! My skin still crawls when I think about this movie. Even your suggested scene doesn't save it for me. Uma makes a good Poison Ivy but that monosyllabic Bane and the neon-colored street gang make me cringe. Worst. Movie. Ever.

  5. Denny says:

    I think the Underworld series is decent, and Beckinsale is exquisite!

  6. Terribad, haha. I like that. :)

    TDF, yeah it's alllll about the leather pants.

  7. Anonymous says:

    LOL!!! :D

    Your frustrations with them are amusing to read!! sry. hehe.

    But also, batman & robin still sucks.

  8. The Dave says:

    about as bad as your taste in men…ba dum

  9. I have to admit to a bunch of guilty love for Queen of the Damned, too, though I tend to skip the parts with Akasha and just drool over Stuart-as-Lestat. Those little leather pants? Good lord!

    And I really like Underworld, too, but god, you're right. Kraven is absolutely wretched, and I love how his accent bounces back and forth between Irish and terrible American.

    Twilight? Was just hilariously bad. I enjoyed watching it mainly because I watched with a peanut gallery composed of a bunch of English grad students who love making fun of movies as much as I do. :D

  10. Oh, the guy who plays Kraven in Underworld is terribad. Just horrendous.

    But the movie…it grew on me and now I love it.

    And I hate that I love it.